GENERAL QUESTIONS: • Why are you interested in marrying at this time? • How would you describe yourself? • What do you consider your greatest achievement to date? • Describe three experiences you’ve had that you’ve benefited/learned from. • What has been the hardest obstacle you’ve faced thus far in life? How has it affected you? • If there was one thing you would like to change about yourself, what would it be? • What are your goals for this life? What would you like to accomplish before you die? • What are you looking for in a spouse? DECIDING WHETHER TO MARRY: • What role do you think parents should play in helping to select your spouse? • What process do you want to use to determine whether you have found the right spouse? Phone? E-mail? Chaperoned or unchaperoned in person? How much time do you want to decide? DEEN (ISLAMIC LIFESTYLE): • What do you do to feel close to Allah (swt)? • How to you hope to get closer to Allah (swt) through marriage? • What do you want to improve about yourself Islamically? • How many times per day do you pray? What about while at work? • How much Qur’an have you memorized? • To what extent are you involved in the Islamic community? • Do you fast during Ramadan? • How do you determine how to distribute Zakat? How do you give in Sadaqa? • Have you been on Hajj or Umrah? When would you like to go? • Are you affiliated with a particular masjid or Islamic group? • How important do you think it is to only eat Halal meat? • How important do you think it is for women to wear hijab? What about men? • How do you like to celebrate religious holidays? • Do you go for jummah prayers? LIVING AS A MUSLIM MINORITY: • Do you have non-Muslim friends? • What do you think Muslims should do on American holidays? EXTENDED FAMILY: • What do you think parents/extended family’s role should be in making important decisions: wedding planning, child rearing, vacations, where you will live? • What do you do if there is a conflict between your spouse and your family? • Are you comfortable living with extended family, particularly as they age? Are other accomodations possible? • How much time do you anticipate spending with your extended family, in person or by phone? • Would you describe the character of your family members? • What have you learned from observing your family that you do or do not want to incorporate into your marriage? PROFESSION: • What career path do you plan on taking? • Will both husband and wife work outside the home? • Under what conditions would you be willing to move to further your or your spouse’s professional growth? • How much time do you spend at work? • How do you plan to balance time at work and time with the family? • What kind of business functions will you ask each other to host/attend? • Would you encourage/support the idea of me going back to school for advanced degrees? • How would we support ourselves if we both had to be in school? INTERESTS/ACTIVITIES: • How do you like to spend your free time? • How much time do you spend watching TV? • What interests would you like to share with your spouse? • How much time alone would you like to have? • How do you feel about separate vacations? Business trips? Conferences? SOCIAL LIFE: • How much time do you want to spend with friends? By yourself? As a couple? • How would you feel about your spouse having friends of the opposite gender? WHERE TO LIVE: • Where do you want to live? Why? • Will you want to live near your extended family? • Do you prefer city? Suburb? Countryside? • Do you want to live in the U.S. or abroad? • How important is it to live in a large Muslim community? CHILDREN: • How many children do you want to have? • When do you think you’ll be ready to have children? • How will you distribute responsibility for child rearing? Diapering? • What do you think it is important to teach children? • What is your view on raising children? Do you spank? • To what extent would you be willing to utilize family members, friends, baby sitters or day are to watch your children? • How will you ensure your children have a good Islamic education? • What would you do if you could not have children? • Do you want your children to grow up bilingual? In what languages? MONEY: • How many personal savings/checking accounts would you want? • Who should be responsible for paying bills? • What about prior assets? • How will you determine how much should be spent on the household? On personal items? On charity? • How much should either person be able to spend by themselves without consulting the other? • How much should be paid out in maher (dowry)? Up front versus deferred? • If we were on an uncomfortably tight budget, and your brother asked you for a generous loan for a third attempt at a start-up when the first two had failed, would you give it to him? • What would be your top five criteria for developing a financial plan? LAST NAMES: • Should the wife change her last name? • What last name should the children carry? HOUSE: • How do you feel about cleanliness, neatness and housework? • How do you feel about knickknacks and artwork? • Who is responsible for work around the house? • What are the household chores you are used to doing? • Have you ever lived alone? Have you ever had a roommate? Have you always lived with your parents? • How do you feel about pets? • What are your preferences in terms of food? Mostly from your own ethnic group, or a more diverse palate? Only home-made, or also convenience or from restaurants? Meat or vegetarian? • If we were both working and we both got home about the same time, would you expect the wife to always be the cook? • How do you feel about smoking? DIFFERENCES: • What are your pet peeves? • How should disagreements be resolved? • How do you act when you get upset? • How would you go about making you spouse happy when s/he was feeling down? • What would you want your spouse to do if you disagreed about something? • What if the disagreement is over an interpretation of Islam? • Who would be your choice of arbiters, or how do you feel about arbitration? • How do you feel about marriage counseling? MONOGAMY/FIDELITY/HONESTY: • What are your views? • What is your experience with families with a second wife? • Will infidelity automatically end the marriage? CULTURE: • What role does culture play in your life?