Humor & Jokes

الكاتب : Rita Alshoaibi   المشاهدات : 1,378   الردود : 31    ‏2007-08-07
      مشاركة رقم : 1    ‏2007-08-07
  1. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    here u can put all ur jokes inside

    [​IMG]



    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<







    The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

    After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.

    For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large ....l door and handed him a gun.

    "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.

    Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, Kill Her!!!"

    The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

    The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

    The second man was given the same instructions.

    He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

    The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, Take your wife and go home."

    Finally, it was the woman's turn.

    She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.

    She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

    After a few minutes, all was quiet.

    The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

    She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "The darn gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair."
    Moral: DONT mess with women, they are evil in revenge.
    :evil:
     
  2.   مشاركة رقم : 2    ‏2007-08-07
  3. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    The LAPD (Los Angeles Police Department), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
     
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  5. ابوالقاصي

    ابوالقاصي قلم ماسي

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    اللقب الاضافي:
    نجم الصوتيات والمرئيات لشهر رمضان عام 2010
    what a scarry joke


    haaaaahahhahahahaha
     
  6.   مشاركة رقم : 4    ‏2007-08-07
  7. samiah

    samiah مشرف سابق

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    This is a story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anbody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and everybody was sure somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry with that because it was Everybodys job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldnt do it. It ended that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anbody could have done.
    :D:D
     
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  9. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    thats right samiah - i liked that, because its always or in the most going like this


    so thx


    [​IMG]
     
  10.   مشاركة رقم : 6    ‏2007-08-07
  11. keep it real

    keep it real قلم ذهبي

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    lol nice
    ill try to get some jokes from my closet
     
  12.   مشاركة رقم : 7    ‏2007-08-08
  13. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

    He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

    George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

    Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
     
  14.   مشاركة رقم : 8    ‏2007-08-08
  15. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

    The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

    The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

    The third father opens the window and jumps out.

    The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

    One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

    The nurse asks, "Why?"

    He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"
     
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  17. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

    "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

    "The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
     
  18.   مشاركة رقم : 10    ‏2007-08-08
  19. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    Bob calls the law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."

    The receptionist replies, "I’m sorry Bob, but he died last week."

    The next day Bob calls again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "Bob, I told you yesterday, he died last week."

    The next day Bob calls for the third time and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "Bob! I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?!!"

    Bob replies, "Because I just love hearing it!"
     

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