My Composition Paper

الكاتب : الشاب عادل   المشاهدات : 990   الردود : 14    ‏2007-07-01
      مشاركة رقم : 1    ‏2007-07-01
  1. الشاب عادل

    الشاب عادل قلم ماسي

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    I wrote this paper for my composition class....Surprisingly I got a B+ on the paper(highest grade in class) so here it is for anyone who wants to take a look at writing a paper and constructing a good thesis and pace

    the paper is entitled : Doors of Fame for Celebrities

     
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  3. yemenreform

    yemenreform عضو متميّز

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    Very nice and well organized
    with a few simple corrections you could have had an A+
    Good luck next time

    When a celebrity effects or makes changes on society, he/she would be memorable and universally famous.
    .

    TV Channels or Stations
    Long sentence
    will be longer remembered = will no longer be remembered
    Long termed short termed = long term short term
    Others may have had
     
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  5. عــاهد

    عــاهد مشرف سابق

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    Masha allah bro, Your Essay was really nice.
    I liked the comparison part, that made things real simple and clear.

    Brother, i'd really really appreciate it if you keep posting such things, so we could read and learn.
    This is what forums are designed for.
    Insha allah i'll start posting my works as well.

    salam
     
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  7. الشاب عادل

    الشاب عادل قلم ماسي

    التسجيل :
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    Thank you brother YemenReform for your input; I wrote it in 2004 and every time I read it i discover some grammatical mistakes that you have pointed some of them...:)
     
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  9. الشاب عادل

    الشاب عادل قلم ماسي

    التسجيل :
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    Thank you brother Ahad....Expect more to come + technical papers that you may like;)
     
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  11. عــاهد

    عــاهد مشرف سابق

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    Thats the best!!!!!
    Bring it on bro, I am free all summer.

    salam bro
     
  12.   مشاركة رقم : 7    ‏2007-07-01
  13. maram

    maram عضو فعّال

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    this was a really good eassy

    thanks for sharing brother

    and as Ahad said we could lean from your Essays



    [​IMG]
     
  14.   مشاركة رقم : 8    ‏2007-07-02
  15. ابراهيم صياد

    ابراهيم صياد قلم ذهبي

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    even if I did not read it
    thanks for sharing
    and good luck
     
  16.   مشاركة رقم : 9    ‏2007-07-02
  17. Rita Alshoaibi

    Rita Alshoaibi مشرف سابق

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    i read it and u did really so good
    and
    thanks for showing that here

    [​IMG]
     
  18.   مشاركة رقم : 10    ‏2007-07-02
  19. T_K

    T_K قلم فضي

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    Adel, that's a great paper
    However, if you don't mind, allow me to revise
    a few of your sentences

    Also, in order to distinguish between a celebrity and any other famous person, we have to know that fame is a prerequisite for celebrity status; though, not always sufficient.

    but are not necessarily celebrities


    Almost everyone in the U.S., I suppose, know who John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald are, but not even half of the population of the United States know who Andrew Jackson, the seventh President of the United States, is

    in 'the criminal fame.'1
    periods are always inside the quote, not outside the quote

    Although Jackson had already been a celebrity, his scandal made him even more famous, and that's why people after twenty years, I believe, will remember him as a 'child abuser' and not a famous singer

    The reason why people remember only a few is that only a few celebrities affect society.

    When a celebrity affects or makes changes in society, he/she would be remembered and universally famous.

    'affect' is a verb
    'effect' is a noun

    In addition, Beatles had the three factors in one: ...1, 2, 3
    Adel, you mentioned three factors, but you only elaborated on one, which is the manager; having most of the best songs of the 20th century should be a conseqence of the 'three factors!' 1


    A celebrity who is always shown on TV is most likely to be more famous than any other celebrity.
    here, you missed the comparlative 'more ... than'1


    Others may have had a great promotion at their era which made them so famous.
     

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